Scale is moving

I have been really really discouraged the last few weeks. I can't seem to get my head straight and it's showing in my weight loss. As you know I gained .2, which isn't a lot, but in my head it is. I am sure that is a skewed view but whatever.

I walked 4 miles on Wednesday and I am trying to decide if I want to walk this morning once E is up from her nap.

I have had several people tell me that I look good. One told me I was her inspiration! ha. It is very sweet for people to say that. My hubby just likes my big boobs, haha.

I do admit I am feeling skinny at times. I over ate on Wednesday night and I felt so gross. I haven't over eaten in a long time. I forgot it feels gross. It lasted several hours. Today I am hungry. Mostly it's just boredom. That is one thing I struggle with is boredom eating. Maybe I'll look up some ways to battle that.

For now, I'll go pick up the house. :)

Weigh In #19

I don't even want to post. I gained. But I only gained .2. It is my own fault though. I made cinnamon rolls and I ate a lot of carbs yesterday. I want to lower my points but my lovely husband said I shouldn't because I am becoming obsessed with losing weight. He says I look good and give yourself credit, that I have lost 20lbs. He is right though, hate admitting that, but he is right. Another reason I am upset is because my jeans do not fit around my waste still. It's still from my pregnancy. I know it is. I gain weight in my stomach so it's all still sitting there.

I can give this reason or that but really it's my own fault. I ate like crap. I am feeling itchy to do something though, like craft or paint a wall. I just don't have time.

I need to think of something to change this week instead of have a pity party. I think I will drink as much water as I can. Always have water around. And only one Diet Coke. It's my guilty habit.

Weigh In #18

140.9 Weight at home

141.0 WW weight

-.4 from last week

-20.2 total weight loss

I happy with that. Still really slow but I am okay with it. The only thing I am still annoyed with is my postpartum belly. It's still ugh. Pants still don't fit much. Muffin top still. Yuck. I am thinking my abdominal muscles are separated. I still sometimes look 4 months pregnant. 

I started walking again this morning. C started dance and I met a lady that lives in my city. We are meeting up Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to walk. We walked 2.5 miles this morning.

My scale this morning said 140.0! I am THISCLOSE to the 130's! Woot!

Weigh In #17

Weight at Home: 140.1

Weight Watchers Weight: 141.4

Loss this week: -.8

Total weight loss: 19.8

I am happy with that weight loss this week. I worked hard the last 3 days. My hubby is trying to lose about 10lbs so he makes us lunch and dinner. I eat a better balance of food when he cooks. He is a good cook so I know it will be healthy and yummy.

The one thing I am struggling with is actually SEEING the difference. I can not see the difference in my body. I see the scale going down, but it doesn't register. I am sure there is something wrong in my wiring somewhere, but I can't figure it out.

I am feeling better spiritually. Not 100% but better. 

I don't think my postpartum belly will be normal until about 9-12 months after E was born. I am almost 6 lbs less than but my clothes fit everywhere but my stomach. So weird. I don't remember it being like this before, but before I was drunk. Ha. 

So hopefully next week I will have lost 20lbs!

Weigh in #16

Weight at home: 141.5
Weight Watchers: 142.2!
-1.0! Total Weight Loss: 19lbs!
Awesome. I didn't even track that much this week. Crazy. My body needed that break.

This journey for me is more than losing weight to be healthy. It's about learning to love my body during the process and right now. I am never good enough. I keep thinking I'll be happy when I make it to X weight. I am never really happy right in the moment. There are times when I am kind of happy but I am using other things to try and fill that void. I have been shopping a lot. Hubby gives me spending money on clothes, but I have been doing it more and more. I actually felt guilty today. And I only bought a jacket. I did buy E some fall/clothes. I bought G & C each a toy today.

I really need to figure out what is going on emotionally. My sponsor just moved to Colorado and I miss her. I still call her 1 or 2 times a week. I just don't feel spiritually fit right now. I am not getting to many meetings because of E. The kids start school next week so I will be able to get to WW meetings and maybe try some noon AA meetings.

On a funny note. G told me today he knows why I am going to Weight Watchers. He said it's because I just had a baby and I want to lose the weight I gained. I asked him what made him know that is why, if he'd been talking to someone about it. He said no one, that he had thought of that on his own. Haha. Funny kid. Then C asked me how I got so sexy. :)

Pictures

04/17/13                       08/18/13

Weigh In #15 - late

It's been a crazy week. I'll start with my weigh in from Tuesday.

143.2 -.2. Bleh. I am happy I didn't gain, but I am annoyed that my weight is coming off really slowly. I am still on track to get to my goal weight by the time E is 1, but still.

This week I have only tracked one day. I have not gone too crazy but I just needed to give myself a break from tracking. Even if I gain weight, I needed a mental break from it. I've worked really hard the last 15 weeks. I had a personal thing happen on Wednesday that got my adrenaline going and I had a skin cancer removed on Thursday. I didn't eat from 8pm - 4pm the next day.

Hubby and I walked this morning (1.77m) so I am glad we did something active. So even if I gain this week I will be okay because mentally I am better. Though my scale doesn't have me gaining weight. I am around 141.2-142.2. I was 142.2 this morning. :)